Scrambling for a "C"

For most of my life, I’ve been as competitive as I have been talkative, and that’s saying something. While my drive isn’t always applied to financial or professional pursuits, there is usually always something that I am deeply passionate about on a short-term or long-term basis. And when I do something, I want to be the best at it or not bother at all.

It’s not exactly a healthy character trait, and my husband would be the first to tell you that I am usually stressed because I involuntarily look for stress all the time. When one project is done, I start sniffing for another. When I am in the middle of something - be it a church project, a writing project, chasing college grades, or even just inventing a game - I can get oddly intense in my quest to get it done as perfectly as I want.

A is for Asian, people joke, but I definitely refuse to accept getting any lower of a grade than an A whenever I choose to pour my heart and soul into something.

And, quite honestly, it’s why reckoning with this new season of motherhood has been a new lesson in humility in a way I never expected.

Some people say you can have it all: career, motherhood, an outstanding marriage, great health, an active social life, financial success, ministerial involvement. Some others acknowledge that you just can’t.

I already thought I was realistic. I’d long accepted that I could at most work part time if and when God gave us children. I knew I needed (and have) lowered standards for how I look or how our house looks or how much time I can spend pursuing my former hobbies like writing, traveling, and painting, and cooking.

What I didn’t expect was to already make multiple sacrifices - and still can’t manage to ace anything.

The twins are wonderful blessings I love with all of my heart - but they frankly don’t get as much organic food, exercise, fashionable outfits, music lessons, bedtime stories, sleep training, screen time limits, educational play, bath time scrubbing, clean sheets, hairstyling, baby massages, fresh air, fresh fruits, and whatnot as they could.

For the first time since marriage, our beddings don’t match and our room is a mess. After cooking regularly for years, I have at most put together five meals since the babies were born.

My memos get sent out the moment they’re written. My conversations with my husband sound more like reports than actual dialogue.

When it comes to work, ministries, and the luxury of a hobby or two, I can at most scramble to do “just enough” to get the minimum done.

Forget getting an A. It takes all the effort I can possibly muster to just get a C, in pretty much everything.

And it frustrates me to no end.

I feel like a mediocre mother, a mediocre teacher, a mediocre wife, and a mediocre everything all at the same time. And with all my days and nights running together, I often feel that there is absolutely no way things can get any better. I want

to do more, and I want to do better.

But it just doesn’t happen.

And it has taken me a while to accept that maybe THAT is what I have to learn and accept.

Somehow, through the years, perhaps due to having the luxury of time and financial versatility, I’ve come to set for myself an earthly standard of what makes me a worthwhile person living a worthwhile life. I‘ve been priding myself in reaching supposed standards that are more about me than they are about God.

And, obviously, I was wrong.

There are times when we are called to sacrifice certain things in our life. When we are called, we must obey.

But I am slowly learning, day by day, that the something I’m being called to give up may well be my self-inflated view of myself and my idea of a “perfect life.”

As with any idol, the idol of perceived earthly perfection causes sorrow and strife. A Christian cannot experience a meaningful, abundant life when she is hyper-focused on chasing A’s of her own invention. No one ever said that the world will affirm the good and faithful servant. The Lord sets the standards for what He demands of me, and I do not glorify Him when I demand that I must somehow be more than what He is asking of me.

What I do need to do is to discern what my Lord wants me to do in this particular time, do it with all my heart, and be content with whatever that may be.

And if straight C’s are what it’s going to be, then it needs to be enough for me.

Happy Wife, Happy Life?

I'm a wife, and I'm happy - most of the time.

According to the age-old adage, that means my husband should be happy- most of the time. Right?

Maybe.

When I'm happy, I'm easier to be around; and that fact probably makes my husband have an easier time at life, I'll admit.

But as a Christian woman, I don't want my husband to just be a genie catering to my every wish and fancy. I don't need a slave; I need a leader. And if my husband is going to be the spiritual leader of our marriage, as I want him to be (in my grown-up moments), then it's distinctly NOT his job to make me happy.

In fact, I'm thankful that he doesn't.

I'm thankful that when I want something that's bad for me, he advises me against it. I'm thankful that when I have a stupid idea (and that happens more often than I'd like to admit), he's around to be the voice of reason. I'm thankful that he knows me well enough, and is in a relationship permanent enough, to point out my flaws and show me that I'm not always right.

Does that make me upset? Uhm, yes. Does that make me give him a hard time? Hehe, yes.

But that makes him to be exactly the kind of husband God wants him to be - and the kind I need him to be. Despite my negative reactions, he does what his role demands of him; and I love him all the more for that.

Living in the thick of the matriarchal Filipino culture, it's ridiculously easy to think that women rule - that men are better off listening to their wives. It seems easier - right? Wives are happy; husbands are safe.

But that's not what a godly husband should be.

I'll say it frankly. A man who does not lead - a man who listens to his wife in everything, whose goal in life is to please his wife - is not a godly husband. He may look like a good husband to lots of people - obedient, compliant, and softspoken - but he is distinctly NOT the model of a Christian husband.

A good Christian husband exercises servant leadership. He cares and he guides. He provides and he sustains. He encourages, but he also rebukes.

I just happen to be lucky enough to be married to one.

I've heard fathers teach sons, and older men tell younger men, that the key to a happy life is to always take your wife's side and to acknowledge that she's always right.

That's a load of nonsense.

No human being is "always right," and marrying her doesn't qualify her for that label either.

I know some women might be upset at me for writing this, for "taking the man's side," so to speak. I'm sorry if my generic examples inadvertently offend. That's not my intention.

I don't take the man's side. I take God's side. I respect and honor what He designed marriage to be.

It's one man, one woman, one lifetime.

It's a leader, a helpmeet, and a commitment.

I don't always succeed in playing the role of a godly wife. I sometimes (i.e. often) take over things that are not my job. I reject the tasks my husband delegates to me, choosing instead to complain and lament. I know the model of a biblical marriage, but I seldom follow it completely.

I'm not perfect, my husband is not perfect, and our marriage is not perfect. No marriage is.

But that's why we need Him, right?

That's why Tim and I are incredibly blessed to have a biblical model to follow. We are blessed to know that God will look favorably upon a marriage where a man leads and a woman helps. We are happy to know that when the husband faithfully leads and loves, and the wife consistently respects and submits, we would be able to have a God-honoring marriage.

We've seen these principles applied, kept, and rewarded in many marriages around us. It's possible, people.

We've been given the blueprint of a truly happy marriage. Why follow anything else?

Happy God, happy marriage. And everybody wins.

Do Hard Things

There are times in life when epiphany strike. There are also times in life when the lack of epiphanies results in an epiphany itself—the realization that “I am doing nothing.”

"What am I doing with my life?” I say this question often, more often in jest than I should. This question pervades my mind every time I see a person younger than I dominate world news. I ask this question of myself every time I find myself in extreme boredom.

Today, however, the Lord impresses upon my heart that the same motto I took upon myself when I was 16 should be the same motto I follow at 26: Do hard things.

Doing hard things means exceeding the expectations. Doing hard things means choosing what is good, right, and important over what is selfish and trivial. Doing hard things means walking where I should go rather than talking all about it. Doing hard things means pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

As a teenager, doing hard things included studying hard, serving in church, helping with household chores, and refusing to indulge in temporal, inconsequential pursuits. As an adult today, doing hard things results in managing all time and financial resources wisely, pushing myself to be the best teacher I can be, being a supportive wife, and being willing to always be learning.

There, I’ve said it—always be learning.

For some reason, the learning involved in teenage years, something so assumed and taken for granted, requires a much more deliberate effort in adulthood. Learning requires humility. Learning requires time. Learning requires the risk of making mistakes.

I’ll be honest, I don’t like mistakes. I avoid new endeavors at all costs because I hate making mistakes, especially when others can see those mistakes. Every time I try cooking a new recipe, I pray extensively for God’s grace lest the food come out disastrous. My cowardice is pathetic, I know; but it’s a real and constant struggle for me.

As a teacher, I often tell my students that making mistakes is part of life. A mistake on a quiz could lead to a corrected answer on a test. A mistake on a test could help one’s memory be corrected in time for final exams. But how well am I applying the same principle in my own life?

Learning should be a constant in the Christian life. A pursuit of God and His kingdom can never end this side of heaven. Whether it comes in the form of sharpening a spiritual discipline, helping in a new ministry, reaching out to people in a new way, contributing to society with a new skill, or as simple as mastering a new recipe—constant learning is inseparable from a serious Christian walk.

And so I pray.

I pray that the Lord will remove my fear of embarrassment and enable me to try new things for His glory. I pray that the Lord will lift my eyes above the trifling frustrations in my life to see the bigger picture of His kingdom. I pray that the Lord will give me a commitment to excellence in every area of life He’s placed me.

I need to be a wife, sister, friend, teacher, daughter, and daughter-in-law who constantly seeks to do hard things. It won’t always be easy, and I might not always succeed—but it will always be what I have to do.

The Right to Sin

Human rights, and the defense thereof, comprise the battle cry of many an international organization today. Indeed, many regions in the world, including those in my ancestral land, show inadequate respect for human rights. Innocent people are bullied, enslaved, or even sentenced to death by those who are socially or politically in power. Individuals encounter discrimination even when they do no wrong to deserve it. Yet what if they do indeed do wrong? Then we have a problem.

There is a thin line between granting basic human rights and condoning sinfulness in today’s world. Whereas slavery, unfair trials, and undue discrimination should be uprooted, many other issues that hide behind the mask of human rights do not merit the same treatment. Human beings—lovingly created in the image of God—have the right to be protected from sin. We have the right to be protected from physical abuse, from wrong accusations that lead to death sentences, and from denial of service based on our God-given ethnicities. I salute the historical heroes who have sacrificed much in their own lives in order to ensure those rights are met. Today, however, there is a growing movement in multiple nations to push the boundaries of human rights towards an ungodly agenda—a “right” to sin.

The individuals behind this agenda are crafty with their words. Abortion is no longer called murder, but a right to choose. Same-sex marriage is not properly identified as open sodomy, but as a right to equality. Behind the deceitfulness of these terms is the blasphemous belief that an act of deliberate sin can be a “right.” If Christians are not careful to see through this ungodly ideology, the next generation is in very grave danger. Once murder of unborn children and sinful application of sexuality become “rights,” other sins and crimes with more far-reaching consequences are merely years away from becoming “right.”

Please understand that I am not advocating any hatred towards those who believe differently than I do. Every human being born today is born a sinner. My loved ones and I are no exceptions. Just because someone has sinned or has the temptation to sin does not devalue him as a person. I despise homosexuality, but I do not disrespect the individuals who have sinned in this aspect. In the eyes of the extreme left, I am a “homophobe”—someone who believes in God’s definition of sexuality, someone who believes that God made men and women different for a reason, someone who believes the Bible contains God’s moral standard. I believe I am in no way better a sinner than people who choose homosexual lifestyles, but I am a villain in their eyes just for believing that they—with God’s help—can be capable of refusing to sin.

We are all sinners. I am, however, a sinner saved by grace; many others are not as fortunate to have come to that liberating salvation. In a mostly unsaved world, we have the right of protection from others’ sins—but not one of us have the right to sin.