Becoming Beautiful

On a cultural scale, I was a pretty young bride.

At age 24, it was easy to look nice. My skin and weight and hair were all relatively pliant to whatever beauty treatments I experimented on them. I had no health issues and no fears of the inevitable ageing process. On our honeymoon cruise, I ate and ate to my heart's content knowing that I could easily lose whatever weight I gained.

Time has done quite a number on me since then.

My weight fluctuates, sometimes beyond my control. My hair thins just a little more with every new chemical process I let it go through. My face is showing fine lines, and scars take much longer to heal than they used to.

And I thank God every day that I have a husband who looks at me and loves me for things that are more than skin deep.

Because when the standards are timeless ones, then it is possible to become more and more beautiful as the years go by.

No matter the amount of age-defying beauty products I use, it's not possible to actually defy the effects of time. There's no magic potion to immunize us from getting and looking older.

But there's beauty of the other kind.

Because, no matter what life throws at you, kindness and understanding never go out of style. Selfless love and a positive spirit can brighten any relationship through thick and thin. Unlike the money and time I spend putting on make-up that I will inevitably take off, any efforts invested in developing a strong and beautiful character don't just wash away.

I still want to look pretty.

I think I always will.

But it's comforting to know whenever I look in the mirror and see my flaws, whenever I realize that all that pile of skincare product won't exactly make me look like the vibrant models on the billboards, that there is a way to keep becoming more beautiful, that there's a kind of beauty that becomes only better with time.

It's the kind of beauty that comes from bearing the Fruit of the Spirit. It's the kind of beauty that's found in a Proverbs 31 woman.

I'm never going to be perfect on this side of heaven, but I am heartened that there is a beauty standard that I can keep striving for regardless of how long I have to scroll down the drop down menu to get to my birth year. I find encouragement and hope in the knowledge that, wrinkles or not, a daughter of the King can keep getting prettier as the years go by.

Because becoming more beautiful is always possible, when it's in the places that count.

The Power of (Im)modesty

It had never been a struggle until the past couple of years. It might be due to increased interactions with guys, or the fact that I’ve grown nearer adulthood than adolescence. It might be because of worldly influences. Whatever the reason, I just know…that the recent years have brought to me a growing consciousness of the power, and thus temptation, of immodesty.

I don’t have a 5’8” frame, and I don’t have the prettiest face around. I’m not known for striking appearances. Yet like most girls, I do have characteristics comparable with those beauty queens. Be it a matter of proportion, nice skin, mannerisms, or other physical features, there is always something to show off in every girl.

The problem is…is it supposed to be shown?

I’ve always observed two factors that affect girls most. One is admiration, the other jealousy. And I’m definitely not immune to both of them.

Over the years, those two factors have preyed on me and drawn me away from the formerly chubbier, purer me. The envious admiration of girls and magnetic admiration of guys have led me to greater and greater vanity; the knowledge that I could “pull off” even more immodest outfits than what some ladies wear propelled me with jealousy’s fuel.

I started to spend more time and efforts on appearances, yet I didn’t notice my heart’s wrong…until two days ago.

When I pulled on a clingy shirt in the mall fitting room, my mom exclaimed, “Wen, it’s gross! You look like a manikin!”

I didn’t expect that…”Mom, isn’t that the point?” I stammered, “Manikins are supposed to show what’s beautiful. If I have a figure that’s good, I’ll look like a manikin.”

My mom’s expression indicated disapproval still, “Wen, it looks artificial. It’s too tight, too pronounced.”

I retorted; she retorted. We dropped the issue and continued shopping, yet the idea haunted me.

True, I looked like a model on a runway, minus some inches. The color of the shirt brought out the whiteness of my skin. The fabric wrapped my figure perfectly. The right hair and pants would make me look fabulous…like a model, like a manikin.

Yes, I looked as good as a manikin on display. It was the world’s definition of beauty…but was it God’s?

My conscience weighed on me. At that point, I realized that I had crossed the line. There’s a difference between dressing attractively and dressing to attract, Shannon Harris says. I was trying to do the wrong one. As my eyes scanned the store, I was searching for clothes that would help me gain admiration or arouse jealousy, not for something that would glorify God.

God desires modesty. I had to submit.

Modesty means not trying to show off what should be concealed. Modesty means seeking His honor first. Modesty means guarding people’s hearts over exalting my own pride. And, modesty means seeking a quiet and gentle spirit more than the power of feminine physical appeal.

It’s not easy, especially when I can see the effects of immodesty upon others, including Christian male friends. It’s not easy to hand in a piece of clothing and ask for a larger size, when I would’ve looked “great” in a tighter one. It’s not easy to see attention going to those who succumb to the lure of immodesty. It’s not easy to subscribe to a values system opposite the world’s.

Yet I’ve heard enough times that modesty is the way to honor God and to help my brothers in Christ. It doesn’t seem logical, but it is what I must do.

So I handed in those pants for a looser pair; I replaced the shirt that was too transparent. There may be power in immodesty, but God’s favor rests with the obedient. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I had to do the right thing.

Ladies, let us trust God and encourage one another. Let us prioritize His approval over others’, and let us value His standards more than ours. Then guys…more than once has encouragement from a Christian brother strengthened me to pursue modesty. Please do continue. You have no idea how much your attentions influence us. Your compliment for a modest but pretty outfit does much good; your attraction to the immodest does much harm. Help us to help you, if I may say so.

As a girl, I can say that I find little pleasure in immodesty, yet much power in it. That power is what makes it desirable. Yet God help me. His standards, not mine, should be pursued. I was not nice to discover immodesty in my heart, yet it was also a test of my obedience. May God help prove me true.

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

Like many girls, I often find myself investing thoughts, time, and effort into making myself pretty, or at least as near as I could get to that description. Who doesn't want to be pretty? Beauty captures attention, it wins envy from other girls, it boosts one's confidence, and yes, most significantly, it attracts guys. It's the dream of every girl to be the "fairest one of all."

I have to admit my share of foolishness and vanity in this area. For the last 2-3 years, I've gone through braces, contacts, and make-up. I've ceaselessly spent efforts observing what clothes make me taller, thinner, and what colors would work on me. On top of that, I resolved to shed all the unwanted pounds I had, and underwent my share of self-denial (or self-abuse) to achieve that resolution.

Hard work does pay off, even if it's in an area this vain. I began to catch more and more eyes whenever I dressed up. I would hear so many more compliments than before. Finally, I was feeling pretty.

Then one day a few weeks ago, I stood in front of my full-length mirror. I had finally done it. I had my fair-skinned face adorned by long, straight hair. I had perfect teeth and no glasses. I had the features, form, and "perfect" figure that I had always wanted. Then I had to ask, "Now what?"

When your goal has been reached...now what?

I took a deep, deep breath in front of my mirror that day, realizing the answer to my two-worded question. After paying so much for the sake of outward beauty, I had to face the reality of whether or not it mattered, or more importantly, whether or not I had anything to "back it up" inside.

God soon gave me the perfect illustration. Last week, our family had epidemic week. Family members fell sick one after another, and we had to nurse each other while sick ourselves. There was no time for vanity. For the first time in a long while, I would live days without a single glance at the mirror. It was all about caring, giving, and strength...

One day, I took a peek at myself. My hair was in tangles, my eyes were puffy, my face was spotted with pimples after days without facial care, my form was, well, formless in my pajamas and jacket. If I had been pretty, I wasn't pretty then.

Whenever I do not use make-up or dress well in real life, I get much less attention. When a girl wants to stand out, she has to be pretty. Yet did it matter?

My mother toiled endlessly during those days her children were sick, sacrificing sleep and rest. We were an ugly bunch, but that never kept her away. And when we had to watch out for each other, what mattered wasn't appearances. What mattered was character in patience and selflessness, what mattered was spirituality in prayer.

Those were things the mirror could never have told me. Yet in times of crisis, those were the things that mattered. Inner beauty, character, spirituality, and care—things the mirror never tells—are what differentiate loved ones from strangers, or deep from superficial.

As my time and strength to pamper myself returns, I hope that I would remember this lesson. Outward beauty has its role, but it can only do so much. "Outer beauty catches the eye, inner beauty keeps the heart." O may the Lord help me seek the inside even more so than the outside.