The Thing with Traveling

When Tim and I started dating six years ago, we made a mutual agreement that we wouldn't take any out-of-town, overnight trips on our own until we got married. Anytime we were anywhere beyond an hour or two of our then-homes, we were with friends or with family - all of whom were very Christian, very vigilant chaperones. The rule made traveling awkward. Of course it did. (my dad kept a very keen eye on us and our photographer when my family accompanied us to our engagement photoshoot in Davao.) But, ultimately, we are thankful that we made that decision and fought to keep it.

When Tim and I discussed the decision to steer away from unchaperoned traveling when we were still unmarried, there were two words that struck us strongly in forming our convictions: "Testimony" and "Temptation."

Should unmarried couples have physical relationships before marriage? No. Can well-meaning, committed, Christian couples travel by themselves and not commit immorality? Yes, they can. There is no inherent sin involved in the act of seeing the world as a dating couple. I know couples who made sure to stay in separate rooms when traveling (in some cases, separates beds - so they say). I know couples who visit family together and choose to undergo the entire visit with only the highest standards of chastity. I know couples who did travel together and didn't participate in premarital sex.

That said, it wasn't a choice we believed wise for us.

The first reason behind our decision was testimony - a word that sounds so simple but requires a lifestyle that is actually profound.

Technically, a couple can share a house, a room, a car, or just any personal space by themselves without falling into sin. No one can be certain, no matter how much they'd like to say so, that anything untoward is happening between unaccompanied couples. There is, however, an undeniable possibility that unchaperoned traveling becomes interpreted to be a time unmarried couples engage in improper physical relationships. We wanted to avoid that chance to even be misinterpreted this way, and I am glad we chose what we did.

The second reason behind our decision to avoid traveling unchaperoned when we were dating was, in all frankness, temptation.

The charged emotions involved in a dating - and particularly engaged - relationship can make even the most sensible people talk themselves into nonsensical choices. The intimacy created by the lack of an audience can fuel those emotions to even crazier heights. Ever heard people say they were crazy about each other? That statement itself should be a clue into the unmanageable feelings that come into play when two people fall in love.

We, as a couple, decided that we didn't want to place ourselves in situations where that kind of emotion runs free. In order for us to save ourselves for marriage the way God wanted us to, we needed to take steps towards making that goal achievable.

After Tim and I started dating, our courtship proceeded quickly. The support of our families and both of our knowledge that this was a relationship rolling towards marriage led us to marry about ten months after becoming "official." The wedding planning went by in a stressful whirlwind. Before we knew it, we were on our honeymoon in a cruise to Mexico and Belize. The first time we stepped foot together on foreign shore was a shared adventure of love, joy, hope, and discovery.

We still travel these days. We often make short trips to neighboring countries and the occasional longer trip to farther parts of the world. When we travel, we share our love of eating new foods and learning new languages, of seeing historic sites and meeting interesting people, of broadening our horizons and bringing home our load of souvenirs. I love traveling, and getting to see the world with the man I love most in this world is a joy I will never trade away.

How wonderful it is to share our hearts and lives and itineraries! The thrill of our daytime visits only enhance the warmth of our nighttime snuggles. When we see new things and places, everything we learn and enjoy becomes an immovable part of us - of the life we've created together.

We didn't choose to see the world as a dating couple because we get to explore the universe as a married couple - frankly a much better thing, in my opinion. The reasons we avoided solitary traveling then still stand for us today. We still try, day after day, to avoid choices that jeopardize our testimony or provide undue temptation. The rewards are beautiful beyond compare. And, frankly, things are much, much happier this way.