But I still blink when it happens. I still need to take a moment or two to blink the tears away.
Because getting left behind feels bad enough once. But it's a whole different story when it's become almost like a routine.
In my heart of hearts, I know - just like those anticipating marriage, or a promotion, or graduation, or grandchildren, or hope for medical recovery - that God has a special purpose for every chapter of our lives. I myself have read and prayed and written thousands of thousands of words on the beauty of God's timing, of the importance of finding contentment in His will, and of seeking after Him with all our hearts no matter our circumstances.
But faithfully waiting for God's plan to reveal itself in our lives can sometimes be a very lonely journey.
I married young, at least within my cultural context. My now-husband proposed when I was still 23. We married when I was 24. In the unfair timeline mentality of the Filipino-Chinese community, I was somewhat "ahead" of my peers. It's as if I somehow managed to get to Level 3 in the Fil-Chi Game of Life, when everyone else my age was taking their time at Level 2.
Early marriage made me think and act differently from my peers. Suddenly, I had household and family concerns that they didn't have. They had career priorities that were different from mine. We were still close and still sisters in Christ, but our stations in life led us to have varying responsibilities and perspectives.
But then I got "stuck" - in a world where it feels that everyone else is moving ahead.
Looking back now, I woefully regret not having been more sensitive to the people around me when I was caught up in the whirlwind of young love. We had friends who had been dating people for years before their relationships fell apart. We had single friends who wanted to get married so badly - who had been waiting for three or four decades of their life without the Lord leading them to that next chapter. I talked about my engagement as if it were the most straightforward thing in the world - not realizing that I was in the minority for having been blessed to find my life partner at such a young age. I was a foolish 23-year-old, and I apologize to anyone who had been hurt by my insensitivity during that phase.
I've since learned what it's like to be on the receiving end.
I know what it's like to see people get married and be pregnant within one, two, or three months while our supposed nursery room morphs into a storage attic. I know what it's like to have friends post pregnancy announcement after announcement and flooding my social media feeds with innumerable daily pictures of their babies. I know what it's like to have a friend get married, talk to me about marriage, become a mother, and suddenly "outgrow" me because I am no longer capable of or comfortable with talking with her about motherhood.
I know what it's like to be left behind, even by people younger than I am.
What I needed to learn - was how to deal with it.
My more foolish and selfish tendencies want to resent those friends for moving on. I am tempted again and again (and sometimes fail to resist the temptation) to let envy poison my friendships with these sisters in Christ. Sometimes, I try to keep up - to be genuinely invested in their chatter about their newborns. But I am also ill-equipped to keep up. There's only so much that resonates with me when it comes to types of baby poop and breastfeeding wailing children in the middle of the night!
I love it when my friends tell me about their children. I love to witness them caring for their children and teaching their kids how to be good Christians. It can be hard for me to keep up, but it doesn't mean I hate any reference to children. I love kids. It's one of the reasons I love being a teacher.
But I have to learn to accept that it's inevitable that my friends and I may have different priorities at different times of life. Our friendships, if they are true, should be able to stretch to include all of our different life chapters and interests. And as I learn to be more open with my friends who may have "overtaken" me in the journey of life, I can also learn to be more sensitive to the people who may feel that I have "left them behind."
No one is ever truly left behind in life. There are times when God lets us walk His way with our peers on our side. There are other times when He lets us walk His way alone - at least, in an earthly sense. But when we seek His way faithfully, we can find comfort in knowing that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has conceived what the Lord has prepared for those who love Him. What He has planned is even better than what we think we want or need.
No matter where I am in life - no matter the chapter or the "level" or the station - I can minister to the people around me. I can still show concern to my friends who have moved on to other priorities. I can share insights and encouragement with people who share my current circumstances. I can strive to be more considerate of the people who may feel that they wish to have their life move forward in a way that it isn't.
Because God knows what He's doing - and He's placing each of us where we are for a reason He believes to be best. With Him, we're never left behind. In fact, we're always exactly where He wants us to be.
