Our Story: A Testimony

2013: THE HOPES THAT FELL EMPTY

It was always our dream to start a family together and have multiple children.

From the moment we became husband and wife, we looked forward to becoming parents. We made plans, we picked names, and we dreamed our share of dreams about what sort of family we wanted. We even delayed travel plans on the hope of a pregnancy that never happened!

But it wasn’t God’s plan for all those dreams and expectations to come to fruition in the way we wanted, and it was a hard lesson learned through month after month of waiting that stretched into years.

The continuous disappointment hurt. Children’s parties and baby showers became hard to attend, a reminder of what we couldn't have. Our social lives grew lonelier as our friends “overtook” us and turned their focus on their own children. Social pressures mounted, as many assumed we didn't want kids or were doing it wrong. We continued to pray, and welcomed the prayers of friends, family, and church members.

We wanted the gift of children, and the people around us wanted us to have the gift of children, but God had a better plan that we couldn't yet understand.

For two long years, we wrestled with our dreams of children and God's will for us. We made the rounds with many doctors, most of which were suggested by friends and family and church members. We tried different medicines and herbal treatments. We were told to try methods from other religions or to pray to other gods, neither of which we did. We held firm in our belief that God knew better, and the end never justifies the means. At the end of the day, we knew that the desire for children should never take the place of glorifying God, and we chose not to pursue anything that would point to other faiths, distract us spiritually, or negatively affect our marriage.

If God withheld children, He did so for a reason. And even though it was not up to us to know why, it was up to us to content ourselves and serve Him with whatever He did give.

2015: THE YEAR OF NEW BEGINNINGS

The third year of marriage was a turning point for us, and not for reasons most people would expect.

God still didn’t give us children. He still didn’t let us be parents. That part of His plan was not something we even knew would happen yet. But it was around this time in our marriage that we learned to not just be content with our life as a married couple without kids - but to embrace that stage in full.

We focused our time and energy on work, studies, and ministry. Wen earned her Masters through online studies while Tim took several courses at seminary. We enjoyed God's abundant blessings to us together. We travelled, and experienced the beauty and marvel of God's creation. We broadened our horizons both physically and mentally. We took on more ministries and thrived in our freedom.

Even with no children in sight, our hearts and lives were full.

And even though our childlessness was still a cross to bear, even though seeing our friends easily get pregnant left and right was still difficult, we knew we weren’t just waiting for life to happen.

God gave us a special season of life we did not expect to have, and the best thing we could do with that season was to live it to the fullest.

2017: THE BABIES WE NEVER MET

In 2017, after almost five years of marriage, the Lord led us to pursue fertility treatment locally with KATO Biotech Repro Center in Makati. It wasn’t our first consultation with an IVF clinic. We had previously visited other ones, both locally and internationally, and received different levels of suggested intervention.

None of the other ones felt right.

A lot of clinics did not value the embryos as we did. They were willing to discard or manipulate the embryos to get a desired result, such as getting a specific gender or removing health defects. We believed that the embryos contained human life and to treat them so callously was against our beliefs.

KATO was different. They understood the value of the embryos, and made every effort to keep all the embryos alive. They would not allow gender selection, nor would they manipulate the embryos in any way. We appreciated how they respected our privacy, our convictions, and our medical perspectives. They rejoiced with us when our embryos were improving, and mourned with us when we lost them.

After much prayer, we proceeded with our first round of IVF. Three cycles later, we had two Day-2 cleavage embryos frozen while one Day-5 blastocyst embryo was transferred into Wen’s womb.

The odds were good. Wen was not even thirty at the time, a young age for IVF. The embryo implanted, the pregnancy test came back positive, and a general attitude of optimism filled the families as everyone within our immediate circles traded congratulations.

But something was off. In the next few weeks, the embryo had been growing steadily, but we couldn't find any heartbeats. The embryo had split, creating identical twins, but neither developed past a yolk sac. The doctors at KATO wanted to hold out hope that the babies would still grow, but by Week 12, the truth had settled in: the babies never made it. And after a month of waiting, Wen underwent a D&C.

It wasn’t the ending everyone wanted, but it was what the Lord allowed; and we could only trust that He worked all things for the good of His purposes even as we mourned.

2019: THE BABIES WHO BEAT THE ODDS

After the heartbreak of our first IVF transfer, we didn't feel particularly keen to rush into the next one. But two of our embryos - two tiny human beings - still remained frozen, and we knew we were responsible to give them the chance at life they needed.

Two years after our first IVF transfer, we made time to place the two remaining embryos in the womb. The odds were clearly against them from the start. There were significantly lower survival rates for Day-2 embryos compared to Day-5 embryos. And when the Day-5 one we transferred years ago didn’t make it, what chances did these have after being frozen for 2 years?

But God is not a God of human chances.

We braced ourselves for the worst, and accepted that we would see it through no matter what happened. Yet milestone after milestone, from implantation to heartbeats to “graduation” from our clinic, we watched in awe at the babies’ resilience. By the second trimester, we were allowed to move to the care of a regular doctor, and the weeks and months continued to pass, with the babies passing all their tests and scans.

At 18 weeks gestation, we learned that we were expecting a boy and a girl. One of the things we valued about KATO was that they did not scan the embryos for gender or allow people to “choose” what genders they wanted to place in the womb. That assurance allowed us to rest in the knowledge that God chose this for us.

On June 24, 2020, after having spent half of the pregnancy in lockdown, we welcomed Minela Rey Eliza and Michael James Liam via scheduled C-section at 38 weeks gestation: two healthy, full-term, IVF babies God has entrusted to our care.

2020: THE YEAR OF THE HOME QUARANTINE

Over the years, we’ve had our chance to dream and imagine what parenthood might look like for us. A worldwide pandemic with huge, localized lockdowns was definitely not something we ever expected.

But we have so much to be thankful for. From the timely arrival of a household helper to the generosity of loved ones to the precious time we get to spend being hands-on with the babies, we experience God’s abundant grace over and over again each day.

The days can feel long, the nights even longer. The demands of everyday faithfulness in all the little things can sometimes make us feel weary and worn.

But up-close, hands-on parenting has allowed us to witness God’s grace in a host of ways that we never did before. Parenting makes you pray about things you never expected to pray about: from making sure a baby poops to thanking God for diaper sales to celebrating little things like baby smiles and baby cuddles. And when the going gets rough (because it often does), we are driven to our knees all the more to beg for His wisdom and strength.

We thank God for twins who can keep each other company even during a quarantined babyhood. We thank God for the years we had to build a solid marriage between us before we had to steward two tiny human beings together. We thank God that He is, above all, our Father. And we have a model for parental love because He first loved us.

The days, months, and years ahead may be everything or nothing like we’ve ever imagined. But we rest content in knowing that our God is in control.

We pray that we will be good stewards of these children, and that they will grow to know and love the Lord as we have, and follow in our spiritual footsteps however God leads them. To God be the glory!

Scrambling for a "C"

For most of my life, I’ve been as competitive as I have been talkative, and that’s saying something. While my drive isn’t always applied to financial or professional pursuits, there is usually always something that I am deeply passionate about on a short-term or long-term basis. And when I do something, I want to be the best at it or not bother at all.

It’s not exactly a healthy character trait, and my husband would be the first to tell you that I am usually stressed because I involuntarily look for stress all the time. When one project is done, I start sniffing for another. When I am in the middle of something - be it a church project, a writing project, chasing college grades, or even just inventing a game - I can get oddly intense in my quest to get it done as perfectly as I want.

A is for Asian, people joke, but I definitely refuse to accept getting any lower of a grade than an A whenever I choose to pour my heart and soul into something.

And, quite honestly, it’s why reckoning with this new season of motherhood has been a new lesson in humility in a way I never expected.

Some people say you can have it all: career, motherhood, an outstanding marriage, great health, an active social life, financial success, ministerial involvement. Some others acknowledge that you just can’t.

I already thought I was realistic. I’d long accepted that I could at most work part time if and when God gave us children. I knew I needed (and have) lowered standards for how I look or how our house looks or how much time I can spend pursuing my former hobbies like writing, traveling, and painting, and cooking.

What I didn’t expect was to already make multiple sacrifices - and still can’t manage to ace anything.

The twins are wonderful blessings I love with all of my heart - but they frankly don’t get as much organic food, exercise, fashionable outfits, music lessons, bedtime stories, sleep training, screen time limits, educational play, bath time scrubbing, clean sheets, hairstyling, baby massages, fresh air, fresh fruits, and whatnot as they could.

For the first time since marriage, our beddings don’t match and our room is a mess. After cooking regularly for years, I have at most put together five meals since the babies were born.

My memos get sent out the moment they’re written. My conversations with my husband sound more like reports than actual dialogue.

When it comes to work, ministries, and the luxury of a hobby or two, I can at most scramble to do “just enough” to get the minimum done.

Forget getting an A. It takes all the effort I can possibly muster to just get a C, in pretty much everything.

And it frustrates me to no end.

I feel like a mediocre mother, a mediocre teacher, a mediocre wife, and a mediocre everything all at the same time. And with all my days and nights running together, I often feel that there is absolutely no way things can get any better. I want

to do more, and I want to do better.

But it just doesn’t happen.

And it has taken me a while to accept that maybe THAT is what I have to learn and accept.

Somehow, through the years, perhaps due to having the luxury of time and financial versatility, I’ve come to set for myself an earthly standard of what makes me a worthwhile person living a worthwhile life. I‘ve been priding myself in reaching supposed standards that are more about me than they are about God.

And, obviously, I was wrong.

There are times when we are called to sacrifice certain things in our life. When we are called, we must obey.

But I am slowly learning, day by day, that the something I’m being called to give up may well be my self-inflated view of myself and my idea of a “perfect life.”

As with any idol, the idol of perceived earthly perfection causes sorrow and strife. A Christian cannot experience a meaningful, abundant life when she is hyper-focused on chasing A’s of her own invention. No one ever said that the world will affirm the good and faithful servant. The Lord sets the standards for what He demands of me, and I do not glorify Him when I demand that I must somehow be more than what He is asking of me.

What I do need to do is to discern what my Lord wants me to do in this particular time, do it with all my heart, and be content with whatever that may be.

And if straight C’s are what it’s going to be, then it needs to be enough for me.